"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." ~~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

PHOTO: View from my desk, 8 hrs a day, 5 days a week... blah blah blah.

I want to blaze new trails in my life. I want to take a different path. I want to venture into the unknown and experience things that I am not familiar with. Am I different from the person next to me? Am I that different from you?

Day in and day out I wake early, see my wonderful husband off to work, see my youngest son out the door to catch the bus to school, think of my son who does not live at home, think of my daughter, her husband and my grandchild to be. I get ready for work, walk out the door approx five minutes before time for me to sit at my desk.

The work day rarely changes. I am there, I check emails, I do paper work and filing and processing of files. I upload photos, label photos, work with our programs and wish I was anywhere but where I am at that moment.

I think of what I will cook for dinner, how much laundry there is to be done, what our weekend plans are, and what Kyle's schedule will dictate.

On my lunch, I am thankful that I get to step out of the office, away from the phones, away from the voices that continually invade my thoughts, that never shut up and are always there, there, speaking, talking, getting on my nerves.

I typically do shopping on my lunch, rush home to do a lil cleaning if there is time, put away groceries if needed, grab a fast lunch and back to work, leaving usually three minutes before time for me to sit back down at my desk.

I take small tours around facebook on occasion, dive into my personal email when there is time, discuss the gym with a co-worker or even sneak in a chapter of a book I might be reading.

I think of things I would rather be doing than sitting in this chair, sitting behind this desk, confirming logins for agents, passwords that I shouldn't even know, giving them their very own information they should keep up with themselves.

Sneaking in some heat from a portable heater under my desk is the highlight of my morning. Putting out the American flag, turning on the lamps, bringing in the flag, turning off the lamps, setting the alarm... all mundane activities that I do without thought.

I check my text messages, read them with a smile, knowing it is from a loved one. I dream of days I can spend at home, I wonder when that will be. I move from one minute to the other, from one hour to another, taking in my moments, wishing for something more, or is it less that I am wishing for?

No, definitely more. I want more than this job. I want to create, I want to travel, I want to shop in dinky lil thrift stores, smelly shops, crowded garage sales and bargain basement type shoppes. I want to take ten dollars and come home with a treasure after shopping all day! I want to be excited that I found something that was someone else's trash, and turn it into my very own treasure, or a treasure for me to give to someone else, to receive in return, a smile. A simple smile can make it all worth it.

I want to smile myself. I want to be able to wake in the mornings knowing that my day will be filled with adventure, even if it is only a day full of cleaning my guest bedroom, finding a piece of material and being inspired. It could be a day full of dusting my living room, coming across a photo in a drawer that I have yet to frame and deciding to make a mat for it.

I want to be a SAHM. I want to be a SAHG(stay at home gramma, a SAHW (stay at home wife), a SAHF(stay at home friend) who gets to say "Yes, sure, I would love to help with that charity, or go to lunch or meet you at the coffee shop, or library, or... or....

I want... things I do not have.

Am I so different? or are we all just the same?

Tell me, what do you want?

A vigorous five-mile walk will do more good for an unhappy but otherwise healthy adult than all the medicine and psychology in the world. ~~Paul Dudle

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This photo is the picture I took on my way home from the gym tonight. After putting it through an App on my new phone, I love this sketch. With scenery like this, why do I go to the gym and walk on an electrical machine when the weather is fall-like and the leaves are falling and the breeze would have blown away my troubles?

I go because I pay for the gym, and if I am there, I go in, get on the tread mill, and I walk, and I compete, against myself. I increase the incline, I increase the speed, I burn the calories and I think..."I can do this, I can do this."

If I didn't belong to the gym, then I would not have lost the 70 lbs I have lost, I firmly believe that. Regardless of the fact that I have had LB. I know that the gym and the exercise that I do puts me in the right mind and I am able to visualize what I want to do, how I want to be, and I know it is worth it.

Oh, I know the surgery helped and eventually I might get there, but it has not been easy. There were months there were I paid the gym fees and did not go, I was unhappy, was not losing weight and was depressed. I love exercising, once I get started. It is the "getting started" that takes it toll on me, not the actual process of putting one foot in front of the other.

Zumba is amazingly fun! I love the music, and plan on using my itunes card to legally get some beats off the net! :) I can't wait!

Kyle's finger looks so much better today. You can see a tiniest bit of a nail growing! Okay, so we are not outta the water yet, but it is looking good, and we go back to the doctor in nine days.

He is excited! ...and so am I!

Britt has been sick, she didn't work today and when I didn't get an email or text from her by lunchtime, I knew something was wrong. I hope she feels better soon.

Kurt had an interview last week, but I do not know what happened with that. He hasn't said, or posted on his facebook. :( I wish I had better communication with him. I miss him so much!

Chet is not feeling well tonight. He is sniffling and clearing his throat, the same thing I was doing last night.

Right now, I just want to pull up a craft blog and read, but I guess I will go do laundry, clean the kitchen and dance from counter to counter... gotta love me some ZuMbA!

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” ~ Albert Einstein

So, our trip to the hand specialist did not go as we hoped, but it wasn't bad news, yet, either.
We will be continuing with the wet to dry soaks twice daily for two more weeks to see if some more of the dead tissue will come off. The doctor actually could see some improvement, just not on the very end. :(

With that said, the important thing is to keep up the ritual that has become a part of our lives and has taken a big chunk out of my 14 yr olds social life.

Our high school team is doing fairly well and he loves going to the games and helping the band (his g/f is in the band).

The photo was taken at the doctor's office on 09/29/10 and I can see some improvement.

---------------
So today is Friday and I am more than ready for the weekend. I have to do the knee boots to match the monkey hat. Alabama and Florida play tomorrow night. Whoo Hooo Roll Tide!

I have to clean the house. Just another reason why I wish I was a SAHM. *sigh*
My weekends are full of cleaning and doing things I don't have time for during the week. Makes for pretty crappy weekends at times.

At any rate, I hope everyone has a great two days off and enjoys the Fall weather!