"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." ~~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

PHOTO: View from my desk, 8 hrs a day, 5 days a week... blah blah blah.

I want to blaze new trails in my life. I want to take a different path. I want to venture into the unknown and experience things that I am not familiar with. Am I different from the person next to me? Am I that different from you?

Day in and day out I wake early, see my wonderful husband off to work, see my youngest son out the door to catch the bus to school, think of my son who does not live at home, think of my daughter, her husband and my grandchild to be. I get ready for work, walk out the door approx five minutes before time for me to sit at my desk.

The work day rarely changes. I am there, I check emails, I do paper work and filing and processing of files. I upload photos, label photos, work with our programs and wish I was anywhere but where I am at that moment.

I think of what I will cook for dinner, how much laundry there is to be done, what our weekend plans are, and what Kyle's schedule will dictate.

On my lunch, I am thankful that I get to step out of the office, away from the phones, away from the voices that continually invade my thoughts, that never shut up and are always there, there, speaking, talking, getting on my nerves.

I typically do shopping on my lunch, rush home to do a lil cleaning if there is time, put away groceries if needed, grab a fast lunch and back to work, leaving usually three minutes before time for me to sit back down at my desk.

I take small tours around facebook on occasion, dive into my personal email when there is time, discuss the gym with a co-worker or even sneak in a chapter of a book I might be reading.

I think of things I would rather be doing than sitting in this chair, sitting behind this desk, confirming logins for agents, passwords that I shouldn't even know, giving them their very own information they should keep up with themselves.

Sneaking in some heat from a portable heater under my desk is the highlight of my morning. Putting out the American flag, turning on the lamps, bringing in the flag, turning off the lamps, setting the alarm... all mundane activities that I do without thought.

I check my text messages, read them with a smile, knowing it is from a loved one. I dream of days I can spend at home, I wonder when that will be. I move from one minute to the other, from one hour to another, taking in my moments, wishing for something more, or is it less that I am wishing for?

No, definitely more. I want more than this job. I want to create, I want to travel, I want to shop in dinky lil thrift stores, smelly shops, crowded garage sales and bargain basement type shoppes. I want to take ten dollars and come home with a treasure after shopping all day! I want to be excited that I found something that was someone else's trash, and turn it into my very own treasure, or a treasure for me to give to someone else, to receive in return, a smile. A simple smile can make it all worth it.

I want to smile myself. I want to be able to wake in the mornings knowing that my day will be filled with adventure, even if it is only a day full of cleaning my guest bedroom, finding a piece of material and being inspired. It could be a day full of dusting my living room, coming across a photo in a drawer that I have yet to frame and deciding to make a mat for it.

I want to be a SAHM. I want to be a SAHG(stay at home gramma, a SAHW (stay at home wife), a SAHF(stay at home friend) who gets to say "Yes, sure, I would love to help with that charity, or go to lunch or meet you at the coffee shop, or library, or... or....

I want... things I do not have.

Am I so different? or are we all just the same?

Tell me, what do you want?

A vigorous five-mile walk will do more good for an unhappy but otherwise healthy adult than all the medicine and psychology in the world. ~~Paul Dudle

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This photo is the picture I took on my way home from the gym tonight. After putting it through an App on my new phone, I love this sketch. With scenery like this, why do I go to the gym and walk on an electrical machine when the weather is fall-like and the leaves are falling and the breeze would have blown away my troubles?

I go because I pay for the gym, and if I am there, I go in, get on the tread mill, and I walk, and I compete, against myself. I increase the incline, I increase the speed, I burn the calories and I think..."I can do this, I can do this."

If I didn't belong to the gym, then I would not have lost the 70 lbs I have lost, I firmly believe that. Regardless of the fact that I have had LB. I know that the gym and the exercise that I do puts me in the right mind and I am able to visualize what I want to do, how I want to be, and I know it is worth it.

Oh, I know the surgery helped and eventually I might get there, but it has not been easy. There were months there were I paid the gym fees and did not go, I was unhappy, was not losing weight and was depressed. I love exercising, once I get started. It is the "getting started" that takes it toll on me, not the actual process of putting one foot in front of the other.

Zumba is amazingly fun! I love the music, and plan on using my itunes card to legally get some beats off the net! :) I can't wait!

Kyle's finger looks so much better today. You can see a tiniest bit of a nail growing! Okay, so we are not outta the water yet, but it is looking good, and we go back to the doctor in nine days.

He is excited! ...and so am I!

Britt has been sick, she didn't work today and when I didn't get an email or text from her by lunchtime, I knew something was wrong. I hope she feels better soon.

Kurt had an interview last week, but I do not know what happened with that. He hasn't said, or posted on his facebook. :( I wish I had better communication with him. I miss him so much!

Chet is not feeling well tonight. He is sniffling and clearing his throat, the same thing I was doing last night.

Right now, I just want to pull up a craft blog and read, but I guess I will go do laundry, clean the kitchen and dance from counter to counter... gotta love me some ZuMbA!

“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.” ~ Albert Einstein

So, our trip to the hand specialist did not go as we hoped, but it wasn't bad news, yet, either.
We will be continuing with the wet to dry soaks twice daily for two more weeks to see if some more of the dead tissue will come off. The doctor actually could see some improvement, just not on the very end. :(

With that said, the important thing is to keep up the ritual that has become a part of our lives and has taken a big chunk out of my 14 yr olds social life.

Our high school team is doing fairly well and he loves going to the games and helping the band (his g/f is in the band).

The photo was taken at the doctor's office on 09/29/10 and I can see some improvement.

---------------
So today is Friday and I am more than ready for the weekend. I have to do the knee boots to match the monkey hat. Alabama and Florida play tomorrow night. Whoo Hooo Roll Tide!

I have to clean the house. Just another reason why I wish I was a SAHM. *sigh*
My weekends are full of cleaning and doing things I don't have time for during the week. Makes for pretty crappy weekends at times.

At any rate, I hope everyone has a great two days off and enjoys the Fall weather!

“The poetry is all in the anticipation, for there is none in reality” ~~Mark Twain

*singing* ~~ "Anticipa-a-tion, it's making me wait!"

Anyone else remember the old Ketchup commercial? I am sure that I am dating myself here... but

So, after two weeks of doing the wet to dry soaks, re-wrapping, waiting, soaks, re-wrapping and waiting some more... we have a doctor's appt this evening to find out the outcome of our two weeks wait.

Kyle's finger doesn't look a whole lot better to me, in reality, however, I do believe that the doctor might see some change - for the good, I hope.

Kyle is so very excited! He said yesterday that people will come up to him and say, "Hey, did you get your finger cut off yet?!" and he always asks them the same thing... "Why do you seem so excited about this?"

Of course we don't want it to come to that, but at the same time, I believe we have a long road ahead of us, possibly with some sort of therapy involved.

He has missed all of his reg. scheduled AYSO seasoned games and is very upset at me for not allowing him to play soccer, even though there was the chance of more trauma to that finger. Of course, I am the bad person in this scenario, isn't it always the mom?

Kurtis, my silent child, seems to be going through some rough times lately. He is unemployed, is struggling and going to school. Finances aren't that great and neither is his self-respect, or so he says.

I hate it for him. I don't know what to do, the economy sucks lately and jobs are few and far between especially when you are limited due to a school schedule.

I hope he can work things out soon and be a happier 21 yr old. He should be enjoying these years. I love him and miss him so much that my heart aches at times, just thinking about him. He doesn't realize he is just as important in my life as my other two, he just chooses to not be a daily part.
I wish only the best for him.
*singing again* "My wish, for you, is that life becomes all that you want it to..."
(rascal flatts)

*sigh* With Brittany getting a report from the doctor that there might possibly be a small chance that there will be something wrong with the umbilical cord, Kyle's finger and Kurt's situation... what's a Mom to do except what she does best...
worry and wait. *! Anticipation !*

Among the several kinds of beauty, the eye takes most delight in colors. ~ Joseph Addison

If it was a coat, I would have posted Dolly Parton's Coat of Many Colors. :)

"Snaps and snails, and puppy-dogs' tails; And that's what little boys are made of!" ~ Mother Goose

What are little boys made of? I have had two, neither were made of snips and snails, haha... but this brings about another nursery rhyme to mind at the moment.
"Little Boy Blue come blow your horn..."

Boys and blues go together, right?
LOL I recently attended a shower for my daughter who is expecting a (the most beautiful) baby boy in Jan. 2011. Her hubby and she have decided they want primary colors in the nursery and that pastel colors are for girls. All pastel colors.
"Mom, look at this crochet pattern... blah blah." lol

I ask you, anyone who might be reading this, where do you find baby yarn in bright colors? Okay, so I found some in Florence, AL back home that was Vanna's Choice Baby Yarn and the colors were not necessarily pastel, but I was later told they were very feminine.

So, the blanket with the matching sweater, I gave to her on Sunday at the first shower and it might or might not ever be used as it was said to be "kinda light colored"... lol ... meaning it is pastel and pastels are for girls.

I really don't mind, since the pattern said newborn and it came out too big and therefore will probably not even fit him until it will be too warm for him to wear it anyway.

The Vanna colors were used to make the second blanket and a hat to match...do you think it is too feminine?

I guess browns like in the monkey hat should have been my first choice.

I did make the white ABC blanket and I will be giving her that one at the next shower in Huntsville where she lives now. I will save the colorful one for the shower back home. By then, I hope to have boots made to match the monkey head...err, I mean, Sock Monkey hat I made. They will be knee boots.

So, he will have a couple of blankets and a sweater or hat or two he might not ever wear, but....

Her plan is to have a picture made of him wearing nothing but the sock monkey hat and boots. :)
What Gramma can complain about that?! Not this one, for sure!

"I am a mommy; It isn't what I do, it is who I am." ~~ anonymous

************************
I love that quote. I love being a "mommy" and now my baby will soon be a mommy.
She sent me an email not too long ago stating that Easton (the soon to be grandson of mine) would just love one of "these" and she had attached a craft blog page.
The very crafty woman had made a sock monkey hat. Crocheted it, no doubt!
I looked at it, and while trying to figure out if I could make it into a smaller version, she sent another email... "This one might be better."
YES! it was a toddler sized one.
Only one problem. She was not having a toddler, she was having a newborn!
:)

Mommy to the rescue. I deciphered the shape I needed, printed numerous pictures of sock monkeys and purchased what I thought would be a good match for the color of an original sock monkey.
Yes, knitted would have looked better, except I only pretend to knit, but I DO crochet!

During a couple of our stays at the Orthopedic doctor, waiting for Kyle to be seen by the specialist for his finger (see previous posts to clarify-lol) I had started this precious monkey I wanted to create.

*ahem*
Once finished, I decided two things.
1.) Sock Monkeys are Scary looking creatures!
2.) I do not want to make another one!

I love homemade stuff where you can tell it is homemade, sorta, kinda like his ears are not the same size, one eye is buggier than the other one! lol

So...my grandson, Easton will have his sock monkey hat. :) Not because she asked, but because it was my job to produce that which my child wanted.

Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it. ~~Lou Holtz

I had a moment today. Where I came to the realization that I am either very blessed, or quite the opposite, where my DH is concerned.
I go to cook breakfast, he comes in and takes over. I start to take out the garbage, he stops what he is doing and takes it out for me. I begin to do something else, he does it for me.
At the time, I took it as he could not possibly comprehend that I could actually do something on my own. Such as my son having to take anti-biotics for his finger thing that is currently going on... my DH had his alarm set on his phone so that when it went off, he would CALL ME and tell me it was time for my son to take his meds.
Most of the time, he had already taken them. Once, I was in the shower, almost done, ready to get out and give them to him, and my phone rang.. guess who?!

I feel so insecure at times that it could not be a good thing, but at the same time, he could only be trying to "help". At what point does someone's "helping" become a nuisance?

Maybe it is because I was so use to doing it all alone before. Married for 17 years then single for numerous years, well, might as well have been single all those years. But at the same time, when we dated, I told him I wanted someone to help, to be there for me to lean on and to allow me to lean when I need it.

LOL I feel as if I am being pulled into the lean, instead of it being voluntary.

So, writing this, I have come to the conclusion, I am most definitely blessed...

I am going to go crochet and watch football with my DH because he did the dishes for me so that I could enjoy my Sunday! Yes, I am blessed!

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." ~Mother Teresa

My last post, Sept. 1, almost a week ago, seems ages ago, already.

Let me catch up here. Sept. 1, a Wednesday. Oh yes, we found out my daughter is having a BOY! Easton David will arrive in Jan. of '11. :)

That evening, I get a call from my son before the work day was done. It was one of those calls a mom never wants to get.
"Mom, when you come get me, can you take me to the hospital?" We have had discussions before about how I can't come get him till I get off, even if he calls me thirty minutes before five. I can't leave till five, unless there is an emergency.
"What? What do you mean when I come get you? I get off at five, why do you need to go to the hospital?"
I ran through the thoughts in my mind of him being able to call, talk, etc, he wasn't dying, right?
"Kyle? Why do you need to go to the hospital?"
"Mom? My..."
"I am on my way."
I heard that thing in my child's voice that said NOW!!
I was on my way when a friend of his called, saying his mom was taking my child to the ER and I was to meet them there.
I get there two minutes after them and find out my child was in the weight room, helping that friend with some "stuck weights" and the weights were dropped, fell on his finger.
It was bleeding extremely bad and smashed almost beyond recognition. It wasn't pretty at all. I keep my cool and make sure I know where my insurance card was. I called my husband, and he was on his way already, so when I was able to go back with him, we went to a room.
To make this very long story short, he smashed his finger, the bone was exposed, the fingernail was removed from the little amount that was holding it there. Then eleven stitches were sewn into my sons middle finger of his right hand and yes, he is right handed.
The outcome? If the tissue regenerates and starts to heal, that is a good sign, if it doesn't, we have two options. The first being a skin graft, the second being the most likely, if the tissue doesn't regenerate. Removing the end of his finger from the knuckle down.
At the moment, we are waiting on the 14th of this month. That is when the specialist we saw on the 2nd will tell us our next step.
Until then, my 14 yr old has developed an attitude from Hades. We are supposed to avoid any trauma to that finger at all costs. He is a soccer player, no soccer. He is a ladies man, lol... no parties, no dances, no going to see the ladies play soccer. He can't ride the bus, I have to take him to school. He thinks he is being punished because he hurt himself.

Since then... my daughter called today. I hate it when my child starts the sentence with; "Mom, don't freak out, but..."
She fell Sunday. Down the stairs! Mom don't freak OUT?!
She says she is fine, she called the doctor, only bruised.

The snake we found in the garage last week, well didn't find, after I spotted it, has yet to show itself again. The English Beetle Jumping Creepy Monster Cricket thingy in the bathroom gave me my morning exercise.

The truck that I drive has had issues starting so my hubby took it to get a new battery, except it isn't the battery. It is the starter. So he says, "It is the starter, so when it goes, I will get a new one."
"When it goes?!"
GRRRRRR....

I went to the Gym tonight to do zumba, I did the tread mill for a mile and a half, burned 150 calories and then did the zumba. *sigh* Now I am sore, tired and need to find clothes for work tomorrow, because my mornings are full of helping my one handed child get ready, and drive him to school. Then it is back home to do his chores and feed the dog and make sure the garbage is out and finish getting ready for work, to be there by eight.

I am old enough to remember this... CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!!

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away”

Today, I was given a moment that took my breath away.

"It's a Boy!"

My daughter and son-in-law found out they will be having a boy in about four months.

I couldn't have been happier. :) Now, I get to buy new yarn, pick patterns, and crochet boyish looking things.
I will only have to look harder for boyish things to crochet, since patterns and crocheted stuff tends to lean towards the feminine side of things. But to no avail, I will succeed! What are Gramma's for?

The ABC blankie I started as soon as I found out she was expecting my first grandchild, has been in lingo, waiting to see if I will put a flat border or a frilly one... Flat it is! :)

ME: I am a 44 yr old who happens to be married to a wonderful man. I am the mother of three, the step-mother of three, and a few that we wish we were parents to.
I love to do many crafts, but mostly find myself crocheting and reading. I am an aspiring writer "wannabe". I aspire to want to be a writer, :) and have had a couple of articles printed, but the local paper isn't that wide spread, so I still aspire.

SO, this blog will be filled with the randomness that fills my thoughts. Thoughts that I might want to eventually look back and say... "Oh yeh, I remember..."


Be on the lookout for crafts, work complaints :), family gatherings and bragging rights of a Mom and soon to be Gramma.

Quote of the day:
Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.~~Elizabeth Stone